Faith in love?


Here is what Goleman writes about well adjusted marriage or working couple:

  • "This is well-adjusted marriages," he notes "we expect that each partner may keep from the other secrets having to do with financial matters, past experiences, current flirtations, indulgences in 'bad' or expensive habits, personal aspirations and worries, actions of children, true opinions held about relatives or mutual friends, etc."
  • Each partner in a working couple ignores areas of shared experience that would threaten the partners' shared sense of a secure, comfortable relationship. She doesn't comment on the looks he gives younger women at the beach; he never mentions his suspicion that she fakes orgasms. Over time, these discretions can become converted into lacunas: they do not notice, and do not notice that they do not notice.

I've read fairy tales about love, but I don't think I've ever seen a couple that loves in intrinsic way. All I see is systemic and utilitarian relationships. Is my seeing blinded by my lack of believe/faith or is it simply so?

Actually Goleman gives a hint how to recognize happy couples.

  • On the other hand, something rather remarkable tends to happen with couples who live together for decades, finding happiness with each other. Their continual rapport even seems to leave its mark on their faces, which comes to resemble each other, apparently a result of the sculpting of facial muscles, as partners smile or frown in unison they strengthen the parallel set of muscles.

So such couples must exists! But where? What really is love?

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