2014-05-03T15:21:43

The prerogative as well as the burden of human beings to be able to exert choice, to have to make decisions.

Here are my notes from book Our Inner Conflicts: A Constructive Theory of Neurosis by Karen Horney.

  • p23 In contrast, it is the prerogative as well as the burden of human beings to be able to exert choice, to have to make decisions.
  • p26 …the strong ones who have established their own hierarchy of values, or who have acquired a measure of serenity because in the course of years conflicts and the need for decision have lost their uprooting power. More often, due to apathy, conformity, or opportunism, the people we envy are incapable of truly facing a conflict or of truly trying to resolve it on the basis of their own convictions, and consequently have merely drifted of been swayed by immediate advantage.
  • p29 There was thus a conflict between destructive aggressions - reactive rage and sadistic impulses - the the one hand, and on the other the need for affection and approval, with a desire to appear fair and rational in his own eyes. The result was inner upheaval that went unnoticed, while the fatigue that was its external manifestation paralyzed all action.
  • p34 Conflicts play an infinitely greater role in neurosis than is commonly assumed.
  • p37 A belief in a basic conflict within the human personality is ancient and plays a prominent role in various religions and philosophies.
  • p38 As I see it, the source of the conflict revolves around the neurotic's loss of capacity to wish for anything wholeheartedly because his very wishes are divided, that is, go in opposite directions.
  • p40 If, however, we look upon introversion (or, as I prefer to call it, neurotic detachment) as a means of evading conflicts that arise in close contact with others, the task is not to encourage more extraversion but to analyze the underlying conflicts.
  • p42 a child can move toward people, against them, or away from them.
  • p43 In a predominantly leaning and complying type we can observe aggressive propensities and some need for detachment. A predominantly hostile person has a complaint strain and needs detachment too. And a detached personality is not without hostility or a desire for affection. The predominant attitude, however, is the one that most strongly determines actual conduct.
  • p45 If, however, the impact of early experiences has been powerful enough to have molded the child to a rigid pattern, no new experience will be able to break through.
  • p46 Human relationships are so crucial that they are bound to mold the qualities we develop, the goals we set for ourselves, the values we believe in. All these in turn react upon our relations with others and so are inextricably interwoven.
  • → Moving Toward People
  • p49 Group I, the compliant type, manifests all the traits that go with "moving toward" people. He shows a marked need for affection and approval and an especial need for a "partner" - that is, a friend, lover, husband or wife "who is to fulfill all expectations of life and take responsibility for good and evil, his successful manipulation becoming the predominant task."
  • p51 In sum, this type needs to be liked, wanted, desired, loved; to feel accepted, welcomed, approved or, appreciated; to be needed, to be of importance to others, especially to one particular person; to be helped, protected, taken care of, guided.
  • p55 … suffice it to say here that self-effacement and "goodness" invite being stepped on and being take advantage of; further, that dependence upon others makes for exceptional vulnerability, which in turn leads to a feeling of being neglected, rejected, and humiliated whenever the excessive amount of affection or approval demanded is not forthcoming.
  • p57 Giving predominance to one trend by submerging all discrepant elements is an unconscious attempt to organize the personality.
  • p57 Not knowing that his demands upon others are excessive and egocentric, he cannot help feeling at times that he is so unfairly treated that he simply can't stand it any longer. Finally, if the repressed hostility takes on the force of a blind fury, it may give rise to all kinds of functional disorders, like headaches or stomach ailments.
  • p58 When he subordinates himself, for instance, it is in the interest of avoiding friction and thereby achieving harmony with others; but it may also be a means of eradicating all traces of his need to excel. When he lets others take advantage of him it is an expression of compliance and "goodness," but it may also be a turning away from his own wish to exploit.
  • p59 It promises to satisfy the need to be liked as well as to dominate (through love), the need to take second place as well as to excel (through the partner's undivided regards). It permits him to live out all his aggressive drives on a justified, innocent, or even praiseworthy basis, while allowing him at the same time to express all the endearing qualities he has acquired. Furthermore, since he is unaware that his handicaps and his suffering issue from the conflict within himself, love beckons as the sure cure for them all: if only he can find a person who loves him, *everything* will be all right.
  • → Moving Against People
  • p63 Just as the complaint type clings to the belief that people are "nice," and is continually baffled by evidence to the contrary, so the aggressive type takes it for granted that everyone is hostile, and refuses to admit that they are not. To him life is a struggle of all against all, and the devil take the hindmost. … His attitude is sometimes quite apparent, but more often it is covered over with a veneer of suave politeness, fairmindedness and good fellowship.
  • p64 To appreciate the fact that the needs of the aggressive type are just as compulsive as those of the complaint, we must realize that they are as much prompted by basic anxiety as his. This must be emphasized, because the component of fear, so evident in the latter, is never admitted or displayed by the type we are now considering. In him everything is geared toward being, becoming, or at least appearing tough.
  • p65 Any situation or relationship is looked at from the standpoint of "What can I get out of it?" - whether it has to do with money, prestige, contact, or ideas.
  • p66 He hates to admit fear of any kind and will find drastic ways of bringing it under control.
  • p67 He has no love for what he is doing and takes no real pleasure in it - a fact consistent with his attempt to exclude feelings from his life altogether.
  • p69 He acts like the man which chased beggars from his door because they were breaking his heart.
  • → Moving Away From People
  • p73 Only if there is intolerable strain in associating with people and solitude becomes primarily a means of avaoiding it is the wish to be alone an indication of neurotic detachment.
  • What is neurotic?
  • p74 Every person, to the extent that he is neurotic,is like an airplane directed by remote control and so bound to lose touch with himself.
  • p74 Detached persons can be quite like the zombies of Haitian lore - dead, but revived by witchcraft: they can work and function like live persons, but there is no life in them.
  • p75 More accurately, it is their conscious and unconscious determination not to get emotionally involved with others in any way, whether in love, fight, co-operation, or competition. They draw around themselves a kind of magic circle which no one may penetrate. And this is why, superficially, they may "get along" with people. … All the needds and qualities they acquire are directed toward this major need of not getting involved.
  • p77 The degree of sensitivity is a good gauge of the intensity of the detachment. … Physical pressure from such things as collars, neckties, girdles, shoes may so be felt.
  • p78 …; the habit of being just five minutes late on the job may be resorted to in order to maintain an illusion of freedom.
  • p79 He would weave fantasies of a future when he would accomplish exceptional things. But later these dreams were shipwrecked on the rocks of reality.
  • p80 Where the compliant type looks at his fellow man with the silent question, "Will he like me?" - and the aggressive type wants to know, "How strong an adversary is he?" or "Can he be useful to me?" - the detached person's first concern is, "Will he interfere with me? Will he want to influence me or will he leave me alone?"
  • p83 For a person capable of deep and passionate emotion it may be impossible to suppress only one sector of his feelings - and that the most crucial - without going the whole length of suppressing feeling altogether.
  • p87 Dreams are a search for a solution rather than a mere description of existing feelings.
  • p88 Were the choice between love and independence, they would choose independence without hesitation. … Not only are they willing to defend their detachment by every available means,but they find no sacrifice too great in its behalf.
  • p89 In moving toward people the person tries to create for himself a friendly relation to his world. In moving against people he equips himself for survival in a competitive society. In moving away from people he hopes to attain a certain integrity and serenity. As a matter of fact, all three attitudes are not only desirable but necessary to our development as human beings.
  • p89 It is significant that in all oriental philosophies detachment is sought as a basis for high spiritual development. … There detachment is voluntarily chosen as the best approach to selffulfillment and is adopted by person who could, if they wanted, live a different kind of life; neurotic detachment, on the other hand, is not a matter of choice but inner compulsion, the only possible way of living.
  • p95 One of the many neurotic ways of creating an artificial harmony, it is an attempt at solution through evasion. But it is no true solution because the compulsive craving for closeness as well as for aggressive domination, exploitation, and excelling remain, and they keep harassing if not paralyzing their carrier. Finally, no real inner peace or freedom can ever be attained as long as the contradictory sets of values continue to exist.
  • → The idealized Image
  • p97 We do not need confirmation for qualities of which we are certain, but we will be extremely touchy when false claims are questioned.
  • p112 "If it were not for reality, I would be quite all right."
  • p112 Roughly speaking, a person builds up an idealized image of himself because he cannot tolerate himself as he actually is. The image apparently counteracts this calamity; but having placed himself on a pedestal, he can tolerate his real self still less and starts to rage against it, to despise himself and to chafe under the yoke of his own unattainable demands upon himself. He wavers then between self-adoration and self-contempt, between his idealized image and his despised image, with no solid middle ground to fall back on.
  • → Externalization
  • p116 When a person feels that his life for good or ill is determined by others, it is only logical that he should be preoccupied with changing them, reforming them, punishing them, protecting himself from their interference, or impressing them.
  • p130 Externalization is thus essentially an active process of self-elimination.
  • p131 So unstable an equilibrium requires still further measures to support it. He turns then to any one of a number of unconscious devices, which may be classified as blind spots, compartmentalizing, rationalizing, excessive self-control, arbitrary rightness, elusiveness, and cynicism.
  • p133 To say that we all tend to turn our backs on what we do not care to see is surely insufficient explanation. We should have to add that the degree to which we blot out things depends on how great our interest is in doing so.
  • p133 Strecker, who also offers illustrations of the blind spots, speaks of logic-tight compartments and segregation. There is a section for friends and one for enemies, one for the family and one for outsiders, one for professional and one for personal life, one for social equals and one for inferiors. Hence what happens in one compartment does not appear to the neurotic to contradict what happens in another. It is possible for a person to live that way only when, by reason of his conflicts, he has lost his sense of unity. Compartmentalizing is thus as much a result of being divided by one's conflict as a defense against recognizing them. The process is not unlike that described in the case of one kind of idealized image: contradictions remain, but the conflicts are spirited away. It is hard to say whether this type of idealized image is responsible for the compartmentalization or the other way around. It seems likely, however, that the fact of living in compartments is the more fundamental and that it would account for the kind of image created.
  • p134 There are too few wholehearted and integrated persons around us to offer contrast to our own scatteredness.
  • p135 Rationalization may be defined as self-deception by reasoning.
  • p138 Peace may be attained but it is the peace of the grave.
  • p146 In analysis a like fear will emerge when a patient who has gone to great lengths to create an artificial harmony suddenly recognizes that he is divided.
  • p147 … he needs to be reassured that analysis will not upset his equilibrium.
  • p148 For our present purpose we need only point out that a neurotic person wants to appear, both to himself and others, different from what he really is - more harmonious, more rational, more generous or powerful or ruthless. It would be hard to say whether he is more afraid of being exposed to himself or to others.
  • p153 Behind the fear of changing are qualms about changing for the worse - that is, losing one's idealized image, turning into the rejected self, becoming like everybody else, or being left by analysis an empty shell; terror of the unknown, of having to relinquish safety devices and satisfactions hitherto gained, particularly those of chasing after phantoms that promise solution; and finally a fear of being unable to change - a fear that will be better understood when we come to discuss the neurotic's hopelessness.
  • p155 Living with unresolved conflicts involves primarily a devastating waste of human energies, occasioned not only by the conflicts themselves but by all the devious attempts to remove them.
  • p157 There is, to mention only one other factor, the alienation from self that robs a person of his motor force. He can still be a good worker, he may even be able to make a considerable effort when put under external pressure, but he collapses when left to his own resources. This does not only mean that he cannot do anything constructive or enjoyable with his free time; it means nothing less than that all his creative forces may go to waste.
  • p159 If someone wants to be friendly but at the same time resents the idea because he feels it to be ingratiating, he will be stilted; if he wants to ask for something but feels he should command it, he will be ungracious; if he wants to assert himself but also to comply, he will be hesitant; if he wants to make contact with people but anticipates rejection, he will be shy; if he wants to have sexual relations but also wants to frustrate the partner, he will be frigid - and so on. The more pervasive the counter currents, the greater the strain of living.
  • p162 In general, the characteristics of an impairment of moral integrity are a decrease in sincerity and an increase in egocentricity. It is interesting to note that in this connection that in Zen Buddhist writings sincerity is equated with wholeheartedness, pointing to the very conclusion we reach on the basis of clinical observation - namely, that nobody divided within himself can be wholly sincere.
  • p163 Sincerity, that is, not-deceiving, means "putting forth one's whole being," technically known as "the whole being in action" … in which nothing is kept in reserve, nothing is expressed under disguise, nothing goes to waste. When a person lives like this, he is said to be a golden-haired lion; he is the symbol of virility, sincerity, wholeheartedness; he is divinely human.
  • p164 Starting with the most obvious, whatever course a neurosis takes, unconscious pretenses are always a factor.
  • p164 The pretense of love. The variety of feelings and strivings that can be covered by the term love or that are subjectively felt as such is astonishing. It may cover parasitic expectations on the part of a person who feels too weak or too empty to live his own life. In a more aggressive form it may cover a desire to exploit the partner, to gain through him success, prestige, and power. It may express a need to conquer someone and to triumphs over him, or to merge with a partner and live through him, perhaps in a sadistic way. It may mean a need to be admired, and so secure affirmation for one's idealized image. For the very reason that love in our civilization is so rarely a genuine affection, maltreatment and betrayal abount. We are left with the impression, the, that love turns into contempt, hate, or indifference. But love does not swing around easily. The fact is that the feelings and strivings prompting pseudo love eventually come to the surface. Needless to day, this pretense operates in the parent-child relation and in friendship as well as in sexual relationships.
  • p164 The pretense of goodness, unselfishness, sympathy, and the like is akin to the pretense of love. It is characteristic of the compliant type and is reinforced by a particular kind of idealized image as well as by the need to blot out all aggressive impulses.
  • p165 The pretense of interest and knowledge is most conspicuous in those who are alienated from their emotions and believe that life can be mastered by intellect alone. They have to pretend that they know everything and are interested in everything. But it appears also in a more insidious way in persons who seem to be devoted to a particular calling, and without being aware of it use this interest as a steppingstone to success, power, or material advantage.
  • p165 The pretense of honesty and fairness is most frequently found in the aggressive type, especially when he has marked sadistic trends. He sees through the pretense of live and goodness in others and believes that because he does not subscribe to the common hypocrisies of feigning generosity, patriotism, piety, or whatever, he is particularly honest. Actually he has his own hypocrisies of a different order. His lack of current prejudices may be a blind and negativistic protest against traditional values. His ability to say no may be not strength but a wish to frustrate others. His frankness may be a wish to deride and humiliate. A desire to exploit may be behind the legitimate self-interest to which he confesses.
  • p165 The pretense of suffering must be discussed in greater detail because of the confused view that circulate around it. … The data supporting the concept that the neurotic wants to suffer are well known. But the term wants actually covers a variety of intellectual sins. The authors who propound the theory fail to appreciate that the neurotic suffers much more than he knows and that he usually becomes aware of his suffering only when he begins to recover. … If a neurotic lets himself go to pieces, he certainly does not bring such harm on himself because he wants it but because inner necessities compel him to do so. If he is self-effacing and offers the other cheek, he - at least inconsciously - hates doing so and despises himself for it; but he is in such terror of his own aggressiveness that he must go to the opposite extreme and let himself be abused in some way or other. … Or he may feel lost when separated from a loved one, and though he attributes his feeling to his deep love, in reality - being torn within himself - he cannot bear living alone. Finally, he may falsify his affects and believe that he suffers when actually he is filled with rage.
  • p168 In my experience every patient is averse to thinking or hearing of any limitation that might apply to him. This is especially true of the patient with hidden arrogance. He would rather scold himself mercilessly for having overlooked something than admit, with St. Paul, that "our knowledge is piecemeal." He would rather recriminate himself for having been careless or lazy than admit that nobody can be equally productive at all times. The surest indication of hidden arrogance is the apparent contradiction between self recrimination, with its apologetic attitude, and the inner irritation at any criticism or neglect from outside.
  • p170 The greatest integrity is to be found in those truly detached persons who have kept out of the whirlpool of neurotic competition and neurotic attachments and are not easily bribed by either "love" or ambition. Also, their onlooker attitude toward life often permits them a considerable objectivity in their judgment. But not every detached person can take a stand. He may be so averse to disputing or to committing himself that even in his own mind he takes no clear position, but either muddles issues or at best registers the good and the bad, the valid and the invalid, without arriving at any conviction of his own.
  • p171 Holding oneself responsible when it implies taking blame may be merely an expression of rage at not being one's idealized image and in this sense have nothing to do with responsibility.
  • p171 Responsibility means in the first place to acknowledge in a matter-of-fact way - to oneself and others - that such-and-such were one's intentions, one's words or one's actions, and to be willing to take the consequences. This would be the opposite of lying or of putting the blame on others. To take responsibility for himself in this sense would be hard for the neurotic because as a rule he does not know what he is doing or why he is doing it and has a keen subjective interest in not knowing.
  • p179 Neurotic will not take pleasure in anything unless, for instance, he is alone - or unless he shares it with someone else; unless he is the dominating factor in the situation - or unless he is approved of on all sides. His chances chances are further narrowed by the fact that the conditions for happiness are so often contradictory.
  • p180 Human beings can apparently endure an amazing amount of misery as long as there is hope;
  • p180 If only he were married, had a large apartment, a different foreman, a different wife; if only she were a man, a little older or younger, a little taller or not so tall - then everything would be all right.
  • p184 There is no question, however, that in analysis hopelessness comes into full relief when the patient becomes aware that he is far from being the uniquely perfect person he sees in his imagination.
  • p185 The greatest danger, that of losing one's own self, may pass off as quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss, that of an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc., is sure to be noticed.
  • p185 Nobody can be a constructively helpful friend or mate who does not believe in the possibility of the companion's fulfilling his own potentialities.
  • p188 Resistance is a collective term for all the forces within the patient that operate to maintain the status quo. His incentive, on the other hand, is produced by the constructive energy that urges him an toward inner freedom. This is the motive power with which we work and without which we could do nothing. It is the force that helps the patient overcome resistance. It makes his associations productive, thereby giving the analyst a chance for better understanding. It gives him the inner strength to endure the inevitable pain of maturity, It makes him willing to take the risk of abandoning attitudes that have given him a feeling of safety and to make the leap into the unknown of new attitudes toward himself and others. The analyst cannot drag the patient through this process; the patient himself must want to go. It is this invaluable force that is paralyzed by a condition of hopelessness. And in failing to recognize and tackle it the analyst deprives himself of his best ally in the battle against the patient's neurosis.
  • p194 It is peculiar to sadistic relationships of this kind that keeping a hold over the victim is of more absorbing interest than the person's own life. He will neglect his career, forego the pleasures or advantages of meeting other persons rather than grant the partner any independence.
  • p196 …the same game of attracting and rejecting, charming and disappointing, elevating and degrading, bringing joy and bringing grief.
  • p196 The partner is subjected, directly and indirectly, to even mounting demands, and is made to feel guilty or humiliated if he does not fulfill them. The sadistic person can always find a justification for feeling discontented of unfairly treated, and for demanding still more on that account. Ibsen's Hedda Gabler illustrates how the fulfilling of such demands never evokes gratitude, and how the demands themselves are often prompted by the desire to hurt the other person and put him in his place. They may have to do with material things or sexual needs or aid in establishing a career; they may be demands for special consideration, exclusive devotion, boundless tolerance. There is nothing specifically sadistic in their content: what does point to sadism is the expectation that the partner should, by whatever means are available, fill out a life that is emotionally empty. This, too, is well illustrated by Hedda Gabler in her constant complaints of feeling bored and wanting stimulation and excitement. The need to feed, vampirelike, on the emotional vitality of another person is as a rule completely unconscious. But it is probably that it is at the bottom of the craving to exploit and that it is the soil from which the expressed demands draw their sustenance.
  • p197 What is typical of sadism is not a niggardliness in the sense of withholding but a much more active, though unconscious, impulse to thwart others - to kill their joy and to disappoint their expectations.
  • p198 What an exquisite refinement of the will to power, what an elegant cruelty! And what an amazing gift for that contagious gloom which damps even the highest spirits and stifles the very possibility of joy.
  • p198 He is remarkably keen at seeing shortcomings, at discovering the weak spots in others and pointing them out. He knows intuitively where others are sensitive and can be hurt. And he tends to use his intuition mercilessly for derogatory criticism. This may be rationalized as honesty or as a wish to be helpful; he may believe himself to be sincerely troubled by doubts in regard to the other person's competence or integrity - but he will become panicky if the sincerity of his doubts is questioned.
  • p204 His self-loathing reaches such dimensions that he cannot take a look at himself. He must fortify himself against it by reinforcing and already existing armor of righteousness. The slightest criticism, neglect, or absence of special recognition can mobilize his self-contempt and so must be rejected as unfair. He is compelled, therefore, to externalize his self-contempt, to blame, berate, humiliate others. This, however, throws him into the toils of a vicious circle.
  • p205 Since he himself cannot measure up to his idealized image, the partner must do so; and the merciless rage he feels toward himself is vented on the partner for any failure in this direction.
  • p205 He usually rationalizes the pressure he exerts on the partner as "love" or interest in the partner's "development." … In reality he tries to enforce upon the partner the impossible task of realizing his - the sadist's - idealized image. The righteousness which he had to develop as a shield against self-contempt permits him to do so with smug assurance.
  • p206 When he molds the lives of others he not only gains a stimulating feeling of power over them but also finds a substitute meaning for his life. When he exploits others emotionally he provides a vicarious emotional life for himself that lessens his own sense of barrenness. When he defeats others he wins a triumphant elation which obscures his own hopeless defeat. This craving for vindictive triumph is probably his most intense motivating force. All his pursuits serve as well to gratify his hunger for thrills and excitement.
  • p211 The detached person is singularly unobtrusive in expressing sadistic trends. He will frustrate others in a quiet way, making them feel insecure that they are cramping or disturbing him, and taking secret delight in letting them make fools of themselves.
  • p211 But sadistic impulses can be much more deeply repressed, and then give rise to what might be called an inverted sadism. … Such a person is between the devil and deep blue sea. He is frightened of his impulses to exploit but despises himself for his unassertiveness, which he registers as cowardice. And when he is exploited -as will naturally happen - he is caught in an unsolvable dilemma and may react with a depression or some functional symptom.
  • p215 What maltreatment gives him is an opportunity to live out his sadistic impulses through someone else, without having to face his own sadism. He can feel innocent and morally indignant - while hoping at the same time that some day he will get the better of the sadistic partner and triumph over him.
  • p220 The neurotic must be helped to retrieve himself, to become aware of his real feelings and wants, to evolve his own set of values, and to relate himself to others on the basis of his feelings and convictions.
  • p223 Caution is advisable, however, since the idealized image is often the only part of the patient that is real to him. It may be, what is more, the only element that provides him with a kind of self-esteem and that keeps him from drowning in self-contempt. The patient must have gained a measure of realistic strength before he can tolerate any undermining of his image.
  • p224 To work at sadistic trends at an early period in the analysis is sure to be unprofitable. The reason lies, in part, in the extreme contrast these trends present to the idealized image. Even at a later period awareness of them often fills the patient with terror and disgust. But there is a more precise reason for postponing this piece of analysis until the patient has become less hopeless and more resourceful: he cannot possibly be interested in overcoming his sadistic trends while he is still unconsciously convinced that vicarious living is the only thing left to him.
  • p235 The patient may still be too paralyzed by hopelessness to consider the possibility of change. His drive to triumph over the analyst, to frustrate him, to let him make a fool of himself, may be stronger than his self-interest. His tendency to externalize may still be so great that in spite of his recognition of the consequences he cannot apply the insight to himself. His need to feel omnipotent may still be so strong that even though he sees the consequences as inevitable he makes a mental reservation that he will be able to get around them. His idealized image may still be so rigid that he cannot accept himself with any neurotic attitudes or conflicts. He will then merely rage against himself and feel that he ought to be able to master the particular difficulty simply because he is cognizant of it.
  • p238 Hostility is primarily allayed by a decrease in helplessness. The stronger a person becomes, the less he feels threatened by others. The accrual of strength stems from various sources. His center of gravity, which had been shifted to others, comes to rest within himself; he feels more active and starts to establish his own set of values. He will gradually have more energy available: the energy that had gone into repressing part of himself is released; he becomes less inhibited, less paralyzed by fears, self-contempt, and hopelessness. Instead of either blindly complying or fighting or venting sadistic impulses, he can give in on a rational basis and so becomes firmer.
  • p240 We could rather say that an analysis can be safely terminated if the patient has acquired this very capacity to learn from his experiences - that is, if he can examine his share in the difficulties that arise, understand it, and apply the insight to his life.
  • p242 "a relationship ... which has no purpose beyond itself; in which we associate because it is natural for human beings to share their experience; to understand one another, to find joy and satisfaction in living together; in expressing and revealing themselves to one another."
  • p242 The most comprehensive formulation of therapeutic goals is the striving for wholeheartedness: to be without pretense, to be emotionally sincere, to be able to put the whole of oneself into one's feelings, one's work, one's beliefs. It can be approximated only to the extent that conflicts are resolved. … Our daring to name such high goals rests upon the belief that the human personality can change. It is not only the young child who is pliable. All of us retain the capacity to change, even to change in fundamental ways, as long as we live. This belief is supported by experience. Analysis is one of the most potent means of bringing about radical changes, and the better we understand the forces operating in neurosis the greater our chance of effecting desired change. Neither the analyst not the patient is likely wholly to attain these goals. They are ideals to strive for; their practical value lies in their giving us direction in out therapy and in our lives. If we are not clear about the meaning of ideals, we run the danger of replacing an old idealized image with a new one. We must be aware, too, that it does not lie within the power of the analyst to turn the patient into a flawless human being. He can only help him to become free to strive toward an approximation of these ideals. And this means giving him as well an opportunity to mature and develop.

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